Thirty Adventurous years!

Thirty adventurous years with moves and kids and much more. Marriage is not always rainbows and butterflies but some place in there you find where you fit together with each other. When you get past some of the crazy stuff you find out that being a bit crazy is all good too. She knows I am a bit of an ugly stick with a reel full of knotted up line and a hook with a fly that even a trash fish would laugh at but tells me I still have a place in her heart. Yet we have some cool kids and those grand kids are the bomb.

Two things I know have been the key for us and these may seem a bit odd to some. We are on the same page with each other and God. Yep if you have yourself a union based on love and God things do work best. Now I have seen a lot of married peeps that struggle much harder when they fight due to some parts of faith or no faith but over all it works for many. My attendance in church has always been a struggle because I don’t care for big crowds of people but my biggest thrill is holding her hand and knowing she is happy I am there with her. The other thing I would have to call Intimate Communication. Talk about everything. Yep, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I mean everything too. And when I say everything I mean from Money to Whoopee and everything in the middle. Be kind and considerate as you do. We have learned it is easier to walk and talk holding hands.

Find your common ground and embrace your difference. If you have kids take the time in there to relish time away now and then without the kids too. When you get to the point of an empty nest it is easier to relate to one another with out the kids as common ground. Find things together. Explore your passions and get to know your spouse’s passions. Not everything that I like does she like but be good at showing interest in those things as best you can. Find a passion together and ya just don’t know but in a roundabout way it can add to the passion between ya.

A few years ago, I did a post about things we have learned about us. Well add this one to that and understand life is continually changing. We have gone to many more seminars and conferences together and read a few more books also. We are counselors and we can tell you we have a lot more to learn about us. Love and marriage is an adventure. It helps if you focus on the scenery as you go and not when to we get to the summit. One day you could get to that point in life of bald, fat, wrinkly, blind, deaf, and senile and realize you missed life in some way or another.

So live life with adventure. Tell each other you love each other every moment you can even in those times when your so up set with each other you could spit nails and road tar. Yes, life is short and even though I feel there is more to this life than just the life we see. Kiss like it is your last kiss or your first kiss. If you have kids be so sappy that they are embarrassed by it because they may just thank you for it some day (my kids have).

May the next bunch of years be as much excitement as the first thirty has been. Happy thirty-year anniversary to the best Crazy Soul wife.

Twenty-nine priceless years!

Twenty-nine priceless years!

Three decades ago, I saw this dark-haired and dark-eyed beauty in a large hallway in little old Manti, Utah. Wow has life changed with a six pack of kids and a small band of grand kids. We have now lived in about a dozen places together. We have flown scared, climbed hills, an extended boat trip, dropped into canyons and crags, and fallen ever deeper in love with each other. We have learned a lot about each other over the years but more about ourselves and why we do what we do. Yes, I’m hard to deal with. I’m kind of like a deck of cards with no Aces and a lot of One Eyed jacks. She has put up with me just the same. She’s no quitter and has pushed the limits of life a lot. She pushes me to be better than I see myself. We have been back to the great hall many times since that day and we were married in that fine structure in June of nineteen eighty-eight. One of the girls she worked with a few years ago was helping her try to make a negative type picture of that building for an artistic project. The girl thought for sure it had to be a castle in Europe. When the girl heard we had been married there, she was in shock and thought it must have cost a fortune. I add it was the most priceless place to be married in the world, but there are many of those priceless places in the world that are amazing also.

Many things have changed for me over the years, from less fly-off-the-handle to I say less of what just pops in my head. I have learned that filtering lots of things can end many a bad situation. I have learned to talk to others instead of closing off and bottling things up. I have a soft spot for the underdog and the down trodden. I love adventure as shown by the crazy pack of six kids we have and all the places we have visited. Been many places a cell phone is useless yet unwanted also. The best places I have been are always with my number one Cheerleader (yeppers I found a cheerleader). Yes, I have had her fuming mad at me and love me profusely all in the same day.

She’s like a fine box of chocolates with gold leaf on the box. She is always full of surprises. Every now and then she still manages to scare the critters loose in me. She can best me in so many ways but we have fun just the same. I think she is getting more at ease with the chapter of life we are in now. She likes little hugs and kisses from those little ones that call her Nana. She claims that I didn’t remember that we danced with each other one night not long after we had met first the first time but I was a bit stunned from a lot happening. Then I moved in a few doors down from her and she claims I kind of stalked her some, but I was hooked so what can I say. Secretly at the time, she says now, she was intrigued some.

Some of the super road trips have included stops for some very tasty food in some of the most unique places. You might be surprised the cool places out there that we have visited once or twice. Still many to add to the list of places still to find and dine at.

Lots of adventures in the twenty-nine years we have been married and the plus part of that before we said “I do”. I’m not say’n we are perfect but we are perfect together. We still have a large bucket list of things to do together and yes, I have to get some of the promises in for her before I even think about push’n some daisies up. So, here’s to another basket of fun years of adventure. I’m sure we will think of more to add to the bucket list and maybe we will do a few fun things that we have done many times before again. 

Things I've learned about us.....

Things I’ve learned about us.

She is the gold and string that keeps me grounded and moving in a positive direction. After the past few weeks of house hunting and road tripping you spend some time together. In the years together I have learned some things about me but I have also learned a lot about how I need a great gal by me.

I will note some of the things that I have learned that could be of some help to others as they mesh together a marriage of two people that have lots in common and many things that are not. Remember first you’re in this a partner with you, your spouse, and God. It’s the being in partnership that we get hung up on when we do the “I” thinking. With that in mind pray together. It may not be so much that you have to be over the top super religious but praying is a pretty universal thing for most people of faith in the world. So however you may choose to be with it pray together, pray for each other, and pray that you can work together for a greater good. I pray that she will understand I’m kind of an idiot and need all the help she can give to me to be better.

I will say some of the things that may have been some of the greatest helps for us have been reading books, articles, and other things together. We took classes. And all the while took time to talk and be sure we were on the same page. Never get caught up in the thinking that you know everything because life will most certainly give you another learning of its own.

Some of the classes that we took together were-love and logic parenting, The church marriage and family class, and foster parenting. There are many out there and the only wrong class is the one you don’t plan to ever take. I have read a few books in my day and some of them have been with my great wife. I will only list the ones that set some of the best understanding for us. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, five love languages, between husband and wife, the act of marriage, and what your mother couldn’t tell you and your father didn’t know. There are lots of fabulous books out there that have some great information but they are only as good as you read them and try to use the things that are offered. Some of the good things can help all around in every relationship you have.

She may have an interest in swimming and playing basketball. You may like football and golf. It’s a good thing to be different but you have to find things you both can do together. You both don’t have to be good at the things you do together and it is not something that you stack up as a competition with each other either. It needs to be fun and something to be with each other to have a connection. With this in mind take an interest in each other’s interests too, to the point of sharing enough to be present. If your spouse plays a sport, go and support them in it. This goes for most every worthwhile thing we do with our families. Some of the best memories we have together are the activities we are not good at. We have done many crazy things that have helped us to connect with each other on a greater level. If it takes some stretching to be open to your significant others interests, you may have to super charge some of your relationship to help it grow.

So we all wish in some crazy way that others should just get it and mind read etc. I like most people in the world need really good hints when it comes to figuring things out. With that also comes that issue with your so in trouble and not coming right out with the why and expecting someone to just guess and somehow get it right. If the creator of us all wanted us to know everything and yes read minds and between the lines he would have. I am sure he does get a good laugh now and then at the entertainment in us wishing so. Some hints maybe kind of fun but don’t drag it around in a cloud of darkness. Should there be some hints given always be open to the idea they may not get it and of course be polite about it. Being polite and respectful to others and most definitely your spouse changes situations and people.

I will put it out there be grateful. Showing gratitude even when you’re not happy the clothing coming out of the washer or dryer are messed up or ruined. Yes, I will say it I have ruined clothing a lot. Surprising as it may seem she could very well have used the heavy marble rolling pin on me many a time. If your spouse fixes you meal, does the dishes, mows the lawn, etc., etc. make an effort to show gratitude. If by chance it is not perfect or could use some helping I refer your mind back to the last thought on showing respect and being polite. There are however times it is better to be nice than right. Most if not all people I know are more willing to help if they feel appreciated for their efforts. Even if your spouse is not the type that constantly thrives on “words of affirmation”, give them any how.

I heard it said once that PDA’s you constantly show with your spouse can be a direct reflection on your connection with each other. Someone may think it is a bit off but you would have a very hard time being mad or upset with someone at the same time you hold their hand. One of the best ways to show your kids that you are crazy about each other is for them to see you express that in front of them. On top of that let them hear you tell your spouse you love them. Even pass that on to the grandkids. It will add a strong bond that ties you close to each other and may very well bond more intimately as well. When you’re on the same page life means much more to both and it strengthens key elements of your relationship. Communicate what is needed and expected. If ya have to buy an extra sized love seat to sit next to each other it is money well spent. Spend time with each other away from distractions and yes the kids too. Sometimes ya just need a break with each other. I love my kids but when they leave home I need to know my wife and I will be ok with each other too. Set it as God, Spouse, then family and you will be best.

Always be open to change! If things annoy you or your spouse talk about how and what matters most and why changing it is maybe a good idea. Do not go about change for the wrong reasons but not changing can hurt things between you too. I had some things I have worked on for many years to change some I have others well I keep trying. Back to the communication thing there. Picking up the cloths from the floor may seem like a not so big thing to one person but it can be like the house is on fire to someone else. The willingness to change and trying to change is key. With that be willing to recognize when someone is trying to change and be encouraging too. Let things go also. If a mistake is made “Let it go!” Digging up things of the past sets us back. Again “Let it go!” if you’re not happy about something then by all means fix it. If you can’t put that issue to rest and bury it.

Last point I think is important is apologies. Saying your sorry is a start but not doing things again is key. An old and I mean old friend told me a long time ago. You can’t cover the scar but you can make sure not to give another. May seem simple but it is a not so thought of thing these days.

I’ve learn many a thing or two but I know the thing I know most is I have to constantly do better. In the words of Red Green “If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.” I may not always be the best looker on the street but I will always do what I can to be handy and ensure my spouse is not unhappy with life. Yes, I understand I have a super large mountain still to climb but holy cow the foot hills are behind us now.

Sanctity of marriage.

9/1/15

Considering the amount of craziness in the media about the sanctity of marriage and the need for strong family bonds. I’m not jumping on the band wagon to slap those on the other side of the line. I do however have a few things to say about it.

Family can be the best but sometimes the most frustrations. The good times with the family are more than just a small thing. For me my family is a lot of things that cannot be just described in few words. Some of my early issues in life were family. I have come to grips with most of that now. Many times life is filled with the joys which it should be. We need bonds of family to hold our society together. With that being said we must do our part to keep the family strong.

Marriage is being down played greatly and we continue to see it beaten down on every side. Hackers exposed million that openly considered breaking theirs or others vows within the past few weeks. Is marriage become not so important to our world in general? Maybe to some. I can tell you that it can be a challenge but after twenty five plus years it has to be worked at daily. My wife has put up with some of the biggest parts of this crazy one. We have crossed a lot of bumpy ground and yet we come out closer. Marriage between a man and a women is ordained of God has been from the beginning and will be forever. I love my wife dearly.

25 years she has my heart.

Where to begin on this post. Some people come in to your life for different reasons. We come a crossed people in places that we least likely think about. I just happen to be one evening at the very start of another quarter of collage with a ward on a short trip to the temple. She looked at me and smiled as we were about walk out the door that evening, ok that’s cool. So we all go home and I happen to be at church that Sunday and didn’t think much about it. My other roommate happens to know the girls a few doors down in the apartments and they gave an invite to come over that evening to play some games. So we get there and wait there is the girl I saw a few nights earlier. The shock hits me, ok this could be interesting. After being there for some time I kind of think, self “this could be a good thing hanging out with this bunch”. A few weeks pass and things progress to the point of dinner and games with this bunch from some of the apartments every week. I found myself wanting to get to know this girl a bit more. But being the cowardly wimpy kind a guy I am I stalled. I kind of got the feel if I was to forward I could very well end up with a fat lip.

The change of the tide came one day when it was mentioned she was going to the track to run for a class (I had the same one) so I asked about going along. I got the feel at first that I was really stepping past that line of too forward. But things got past the stage of awkward and we were able to talk some as we ran and walk the track. Found out she really didn’t have plans to have a close guy friend for quite awhile, which was great because I didn’t want anything solid at the moment either. I needed to finally get some school done and stop playing around so much. Things would be cool or so I thought.

 Weeks passed and where it went from there well it was some what of a blur. How much time I have no idea but awhile. We went to see her brother one evening. Thinking something out of the next crazy lesson of life I slipped a note in her book. Yeppers, ya got it shocked her and I wasn’t sure if I had set a rocket in launch mode. I have to thank her roommate for honesty and telling her to see where it goes from here. She was ready to jump ship and swim for shore. For a few days I wasn’t sure if she was going to talk to me again. A few days later I see her and she still has that stunned look, and doesn’t say much. Things pass and I’m out with her and all seems to be going great, and we talk. So I walk her to the door and Yeppers ya guessed it a simple maybe kiss or so I thought. Game changer big time!! I thought yep it was a awesome kiss and I like her lots. She tells me years later she floated in and was in total shock. Her good roommate couldn’t get a lot of words out of her that night. So much for turning around at this point now and not having a close relationship.

There is a lot more to the story but fast forward a few months. That wimpy cowardly guy pops back up and can think if he is ready for more commitment. As much as I tried to talk myself out of things, the more I knew I had to follow my heart. An extended weekend was coming up and the plan was to take off with some family and friends on a trip to Lake Havasu to do some water skiing. She was planning to go and I figured it was a great time to jump in with both feet. Plans changed and we when snow skiing instead but all worked out. Asked her the big question on the deck of the ski lodge and she almost jumped on me. That weekend back at my parent’s house we were running out side and I made a feudal attempt at put her in the snow and found myself in the snow pile. Most guys would have changed their mind with that, nope I was already hooked. You might say she had me hook, line, sinker, and the boat at this point. June 18, 1988 was the day and the next big chapter of the grand adventures was on.

So here it is twenty five years later and we have been through a lot of changes, challenges, adventures, bonding moments, and life altering things that bring us closer. I have learned a lot in twenty five years too and I will list a few, well maybe ten. One- Respect each other, it’s more than a simple friendship. Two- Guard your heart, save it only for your spouse. Three- God, spouse, kids, other family and friends in that order. Four- Forgive and forget then forgive some more. Five- Over-communicate and never assume, kindly ask to know. Six- Regular date nights and get a ways. Seven- Never, ever say the “D” word! Eight- learn your spouse’s love language. Nine- never talk negatively about your spouse. Ten- Choose to love, even when the path of life gets crazy.

I have to barrow a term for a good brother in law, to describe how I feel about being married to my wife. I “Married Up” to say the least. I would say she could have had a Cadillac rather than a pinto but I consider myself blessed all the same. She has come to except me as a person working on the character flaws that I have and loves me just the same. She does some amazing things besides being an awesome wife and mother. I really hate to brag, well may be not, I have an AWESOME HOT WIFE!