Things I've learned about us.....

Things I’ve learned about us.

She is the gold and string that keeps me grounded and moving in a positive direction. After the past few weeks of house hunting and road tripping you spend some time together. In the years together I have learned some things about me but I have also learned a lot about how I need a great gal by me.

I will note some of the things that I have learned that could be of some help to others as they mesh together a marriage of two people that have lots in common and many things that are not. Remember first you’re in this a partner with you, your spouse, and God. It’s the being in partnership that we get hung up on when we do the “I” thinking. With that in mind pray together. It may not be so much that you have to be over the top super religious but praying is a pretty universal thing for most people of faith in the world. So however you may choose to be with it pray together, pray for each other, and pray that you can work together for a greater good. I pray that she will understand I’m kind of an idiot and need all the help she can give to me to be better.

I will say some of the things that may have been some of the greatest helps for us have been reading books, articles, and other things together. We took classes. And all the while took time to talk and be sure we were on the same page. Never get caught up in the thinking that you know everything because life will most certainly give you another learning of its own.

Some of the classes that we took together were-love and logic parenting, The church marriage and family class, and foster parenting. There are many out there and the only wrong class is the one you don’t plan to ever take. I have read a few books in my day and some of them have been with my great wife. I will only list the ones that set some of the best understanding for us. Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, five love languages, between husband and wife, the act of marriage, and what your mother couldn’t tell you and your father didn’t know. There are lots of fabulous books out there that have some great information but they are only as good as you read them and try to use the things that are offered. Some of the good things can help all around in every relationship you have.

She may have an interest in swimming and playing basketball. You may like football and golf. It’s a good thing to be different but you have to find things you both can do together. You both don’t have to be good at the things you do together and it is not something that you stack up as a competition with each other either. It needs to be fun and something to be with each other to have a connection. With this in mind take an interest in each other’s interests too, to the point of sharing enough to be present. If your spouse plays a sport, go and support them in it. This goes for most every worthwhile thing we do with our families. Some of the best memories we have together are the activities we are not good at. We have done many crazy things that have helped us to connect with each other on a greater level. If it takes some stretching to be open to your significant others interests, you may have to super charge some of your relationship to help it grow.

So we all wish in some crazy way that others should just get it and mind read etc. I like most people in the world need really good hints when it comes to figuring things out. With that also comes that issue with your so in trouble and not coming right out with the why and expecting someone to just guess and somehow get it right. If the creator of us all wanted us to know everything and yes read minds and between the lines he would have. I am sure he does get a good laugh now and then at the entertainment in us wishing so. Some hints maybe kind of fun but don’t drag it around in a cloud of darkness. Should there be some hints given always be open to the idea they may not get it and of course be polite about it. Being polite and respectful to others and most definitely your spouse changes situations and people.

I will put it out there be grateful. Showing gratitude even when you’re not happy the clothing coming out of the washer or dryer are messed up or ruined. Yes, I will say it I have ruined clothing a lot. Surprising as it may seem she could very well have used the heavy marble rolling pin on me many a time. If your spouse fixes you meal, does the dishes, mows the lawn, etc., etc. make an effort to show gratitude. If by chance it is not perfect or could use some helping I refer your mind back to the last thought on showing respect and being polite. There are however times it is better to be nice than right. Most if not all people I know are more willing to help if they feel appreciated for their efforts. Even if your spouse is not the type that constantly thrives on “words of affirmation”, give them any how.

I heard it said once that PDA’s you constantly show with your spouse can be a direct reflection on your connection with each other. Someone may think it is a bit off but you would have a very hard time being mad or upset with someone at the same time you hold their hand. One of the best ways to show your kids that you are crazy about each other is for them to see you express that in front of them. On top of that let them hear you tell your spouse you love them. Even pass that on to the grandkids. It will add a strong bond that ties you close to each other and may very well bond more intimately as well. When you’re on the same page life means much more to both and it strengthens key elements of your relationship. Communicate what is needed and expected. If ya have to buy an extra sized love seat to sit next to each other it is money well spent. Spend time with each other away from distractions and yes the kids too. Sometimes ya just need a break with each other. I love my kids but when they leave home I need to know my wife and I will be ok with each other too. Set it as God, Spouse, then family and you will be best.

Always be open to change! If things annoy you or your spouse talk about how and what matters most and why changing it is maybe a good idea. Do not go about change for the wrong reasons but not changing can hurt things between you too. I had some things I have worked on for many years to change some I have others well I keep trying. Back to the communication thing there. Picking up the cloths from the floor may seem like a not so big thing to one person but it can be like the house is on fire to someone else. The willingness to change and trying to change is key. With that be willing to recognize when someone is trying to change and be encouraging too. Let things go also. If a mistake is made “Let it go!” Digging up things of the past sets us back. Again “Let it go!” if you’re not happy about something then by all means fix it. If you can’t put that issue to rest and bury it.

Last point I think is important is apologies. Saying your sorry is a start but not doing things again is key. An old and I mean old friend told me a long time ago. You can’t cover the scar but you can make sure not to give another. May seem simple but it is a not so thought of thing these days.

I’ve learn many a thing or two but I know the thing I know most is I have to constantly do better. In the words of Red Green “If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.” I may not always be the best looker on the street but I will always do what I can to be handy and ensure my spouse is not unhappy with life. Yes, I understand I have a super large mountain still to climb but holy cow the foot hills are behind us now.