Freedom.

Whether the debate is Guns, Food, Medical care, Heating of your house, the car you can drive, or whatever it is. The bottom line is not why one side is correct or not, but will I still have my freedom of agency to choose what I deem is best for me and my family. Will I safely be able to practice my religious beliefs, grow a garden, enjoy hunting and fishing, Hike a slot canyon, etc and not live in fear that I will be ridiculed or be prosecuted for my choices. Don’t give up your freedoms and agency because someone else tells you it is wrong to have. Freedom is not free. Some where at some time some one fought for the freedom we have. Thank you to those that have and still do fight and stand for freedom.

Stepping back from the ledge.

Stepping back from the ledge!

Are we ever so far gone that we can’t step back from the ledge? Very simply put no. We are only as far gone as we think we are. It maybe for some when they see the darkness coming. Yet for others it maybe that point of stone cold reality when they have it the lowest of lows of rock bottom. For me it was that reality check no one ever fully looks for when someone is gone and you see it could be you next. Thus we see the statement of jail, institutions, and death. So what is it that pulls us back? Is it fear? A Higher Power? A good friend? Whatever that individual answer is go with it. Hold on to whatever it takes to stay safe from the ledge. We may not get the perfect turn around experience like one of my hero’s Alma the Jr (BofM, Alma 36) but our stories are great none the less.

So how do we stay back from the edge once we find our way back? We find the connections in our life with our Higher Power/God and others that give us hope. Whether we find it by attending Religious services, Recovery meetings, or working with others on the big twelve (12 steps to recovery). We may have to make that connection hourly at times in our life to understand our key core issues and make peace with them. Whatever we do we must be fearless in our efforts to make it back and stay there. It has taken me years to come to this and I now know God and the love he has for us. He wants us to find good and though that can be a fight we can make it. Once we are back stay as far from the Dragon as we can.

The prideful soul

Often we come across some people that question us as people. Often people just want to understand us as people. However that being said there are people that have no good intentions when they make it a point of being harsh with others. Understanding that many people lash out at others because of their own insecurities and not because the person they lash out at is out of line. Case in point I add to this my own life experiences. I had my issues with self and had to work past it. I spent a few years ago doing the best I felt I could in work and church stuff.

 I found often when problems came up some would blame others for the things that went wrong. I would often see many of these people plainly blaming others for their own short falls. These problems would over time work out somehow and these persons didn’t go to those they had blamed to make amends. Thus we see more of the human short fall of pride. I did at one work place I had have in the past a supervisor that I feel to be one of the best at handling not so good of situations , conflict, and was so good at swallowing pride he could make you feel good about a reprimanding. He would many times go some place first to blow off steam before facing the issue and confronting persons involved. Needless to say he gained respect from others every place he went. He gave me a great comparison for what a great boss is as to one that could improve. Lesson to be taken from this is pride sets people back from being able to relate to others.  To this day I have the up most respect for this boss for being real and not puffed up with Himself. Many of the bosses that could do some improving made expectations for others higher than they would hold for themselves. Expecting surreal expectations of others and then blaming them for not achieving what they wanted. Example would be expecting someone to climb a rock climb rated at 5.14 knowing that it is craziness and being upset that they can’t seem to get four feet of the ground. The person setting the expectation having only the ability to climb 5.5 and struggling greatly at even that.

Many people know the issues in my life and know that me leading a group or standing out is way out of it for me. I was put in with the young men in church about eighteen or so years ago. Incidentally I ended up in helping with them for about fourteen years. In the time I was in there I struggled with doing what I could. Never feeling that I was ever doing the job as good as it should be. I remember the help I was given well. One of the assistants that worked with me was a mostly in active member who was more than willing to help and fantastic in the out of doors. Those young men looked to him as a friend and leader. There were many that criticized us for allowing him to help because they felt his issues with activity to be a problem with the young men. In the six ish years that he helped us, he kept his visible issues out of sight. In that time he let the young men know that often we make life choices that set us back from being better people. They (the young men) to this day when they talk to me have love and respect for him. A few years ago, just before being released from the calling with the young men, I was confronted again by another individual. They must have had an issue with me being straight up and honest about how life is and our choices affect us. I would doubt highly that they knew very much about me personally, what may have been said to the young men, and in what lesson it may have been used. However I just told them they should pay a visit to the bishop if it was a problem. Knowing the bishop had a really good idea about me and would most certainly handle it well. The bishop and I had had many a good conversation over the past few years before he was the bishop as to the life choices I had made and why. I could have taken some offense to this however; I will not allow others to willfully throw me down the stairs. Being called a “Bad influence” would very well be all it would take for some else to have walked away from anything (including church) and never looking back. This adds another spot for some ideas I will further write about and post at some point, blind parenting and living with blinders on in happy valley.

 I have to think of the reason that we treat others poorly and what comes down to is pride. The pride I speak of is not the same as being say proud of someone, like one of our kids that do great things. But the pride that is the destruction of people, families, governments, and nations. This type of pride drove many a person to kill others, have unspeakable secrets, and works that can only be of the great Dragon himself.

It is because of pride that Cain killed Able, which keeps groups of people in bondage for years to unsavory tyrants, and plagues us today as families tear families apart. We fear man more than God and we have lost sight of the value of the lives of us and others. Rome built itself in greatness centuries ago upon the fear of man but destroyed itself from within with pride. They were too worried about how they looked in front of their neighbors that they lost sight of themselves. John 12:42-43 puts in straight up terms. 42 ¶Nevertheless among the chief rulers also many believed on him; but because of the Pharisees they did not confess him, lest they should be put out of the synagogue:

 43 For they loved the praise of men more than the praise of God. Thus we must change our thinking and hearts to that of what God has in mind for us.

I hope and pray that we can treat others relying on the guidance of the spirit of good. We need to treat others better than we treat ourselves and most certainly expect more of ourselves than we do of the rest of the people around us.

Jumping in with Travis and the boys.

Pine Creek with Travis and boys.

Centered in the heart of Zion National Park—and one of the more popular canyons in canyoneering— Pine Creek is one of the shorter technical canyons in the park. It is known for its geological cathedral rooms with pools with passages to swim in and a narrow slot that skirts the famed Zion tunnel. Average hike times take the good part of an afternoon. Most of the drops require a good 200+ feet of rope, with the final exit rappel 90 feet of free rappel on a 100+ foot drop. Then it is a bolder challenge course for the remainder of the way out to the road and car shuttle.

My good-natured, adventuresome brother-in-law, who happens to be a bishop, messaged me sometime early in the spring to see if I was up to a canyoneering trip with his ward’s older young men. I gave him a list of some viable canyon options and then put it out of my mind. A month passed and he messaged me about obtaining permits for some canyons. A week or so later he called to check my calendar for mid-July. Then I got thinking about it: "oh great, Crazy One, you just agreed to hike in the desert in July". I chatted with him at the family gathering on the 4th of July about the plans and permits, which all seemed good to go. I started praying and hoping for some agreeable weather and some rain in the meantime to make the pools of the canyon fresh.

I missed having a group of my kids and younger canyoneering friends around to back me on some of these wild rides. My dear wife questioned me concerning the loose end of a co-guide, just in case. Knowing me as she does, with my body starting to fight me more each year, we agreed that if all else failed I should have Travis with me. He could get me and the group through the canyon, and drive me back if I happened to be too tired and spent to drive home. He wasn't overjoyed about the idea but promised his Mom he would go and look after his wimpy father.

We met part of the group at the park entrance and went to an area near the visiting center to brief the group. After visiting for spell, and a short safety discussion, we headed out. We found a good place to park just east of the tunnel and we geared up. Having been in the area a few years earlier, one of the leaders and I thought it would be a good challenge to give a copy of the written beta to one of the youth leaders to help guide us.

With the car shuttle in place, and the canyon warming up, we were off. Down the first slope and under the bridge we went to the first of many canyon problems. With a bit of stretching we made it to the first rappel. As we prepped, another small party caught up to us. We still had some of our group struggling to harness themselves, so we offered the other party passage and access to our already in place rope. This guy and his girlfriend seemed to appear out of thin air and they asked us how to get around the big hole before us. We noted the small day pack and one water bottle showing between them. Sensing this to be a jackpot of disaster, we told them that as one proceeds down the canyon it becomes purely technical with major drops requiring skills and rope. They must have seen us from the overlook trail above the canyon. I suggested to them that although it was a wondrous canyon, they should find a good guide service to help them enjoy it. Once down the first drop, we had no view of other people who were not in the canyon with us, and we enjoyed the quiet of no more cars. At that point there was no turning back, and with the words of the Eagles were ringing in my head from life in the fast lane "no way out, only one way to go".

A few hundred yards farther, the walls seem to close in and increase in vertical greatness. Climbing down smaller drops, we picked our way through jams of drift wood and branches. The second rappel compared similarly to the first, but with a twist. By now, the crew was getting the hang of the hardware and rope work, and things were beginning move quicker for us. The apprehensive few were gaining the stuff to push past the fear and found it to be fun.

Eventually we made the upper room of the cathedral and made a short stop to talk about life. As we got deeper in the canyon the summer heat gave way to the cool of the canyon. I considered donning my wet suit for the certainty of the cool water to come at the bottom if the rappel into the biggest room below. OH NELLI!!!! I hit the pool, gasping for air. I was wishing the wet suit was on me not at the bottom of my pack keeping warm. Luckily, retrieval of the rope was much less shocking to my system. Travis told me later that one of the boys said if someone thinks this is fun they are both stupid and insane.

One small drop and the canyon opened up. By now we had traveled about two miles from the start and had maybe a mile and a half to go to the road. As the canyon widened to about twenty yards, we were at the second to last rappel. It was the last small drop before the largest of the trip. By now, we could hear another party closing in on us. We could also see the vent windows for the tunnel. I was doing well physically so far, but I knew that the hard hiking was coming.

Then we came to the last drop and it is the one we were waiting for. It was one hundred plus feet and, most of it, free hanging. There is just something about touching just the rope and no rock. We sat on a small shelf to get roped up and then scooted sideways to continue on. We found that we were not alone in that spot and realized that we were being eyed by mountain goats. Among the slick and sheer drops, we thought we were so cool but some masters of the climbing art showed us up. I took one last look around at the scene and I dropped down the rope. Most of the way down, I inadvertently kissed my arm with the rope warmed hardware reminding myself to be a bit more careful. One of the boys lost a little bit of shirt in the descent, but it all worked out.

We boulder hopped for the remainder of the trip, with some nice pools on the way out. Many of the boys took advantage of the water to cool down. Upon reaching the road, I was glad to be near a car and a large drink of water. They shuttled us back to the car and we loaded up the gear. Travis insisted that I honk going through the tunnel. As we were driving, we talked about the day and he said “been there, done that, not doing it again.” He said that the canyon was good, but the hike out was crap. Yeppers. I would have to agree. It is a canyon full of wonder, but the last mile—it bites. I have been in there twice and that's good enough for me.

Finding ourselves.

“Sometimes we find ourselves, when we lose ourselves.” Edmond Hillary

For many years I questioned the things in life that most would say is crazy. Why was I not good enough? Why does God hate me? Why can’t others see me for who I am?

Many years are found in peoples life walking lost in dark and scary places. I walked lost with these questions drowning me day in and day out. I adventured in my younger days and the only places of real peace for me was in the quiet of the outback. Working through many issues with the help of a friend and the 12 big steps of recovery did I start to find some good answers to these questions. Although it has taken me many years to find the answers and peace for the troubles of the soul. It wasn’t until I started to help others with the big 12 that I came to understand my key questions and core issues.

                                          

I came to realize my Higher Power/God loves me in spite of my character flaws and short comings. No matter what others think of me I know God knows my heart and I am more than good enough for him.

25 years she has my heart.

Where to begin on this post. Some people come in to your life for different reasons. We come a crossed people in places that we least likely think about. I just happen to be one evening at the very start of another quarter of collage with a ward on a short trip to the temple. She looked at me and smiled as we were about walk out the door that evening, ok that’s cool. So we all go home and I happen to be at church that Sunday and didn’t think much about it. My other roommate happens to know the girls a few doors down in the apartments and they gave an invite to come over that evening to play some games. So we get there and wait there is the girl I saw a few nights earlier. The shock hits me, ok this could be interesting. After being there for some time I kind of think, self “this could be a good thing hanging out with this bunch”. A few weeks pass and things progress to the point of dinner and games with this bunch from some of the apartments every week. I found myself wanting to get to know this girl a bit more. But being the cowardly wimpy kind a guy I am I stalled. I kind of got the feel if I was to forward I could very well end up with a fat lip.

The change of the tide came one day when it was mentioned she was going to the track to run for a class (I had the same one) so I asked about going along. I got the feel at first that I was really stepping past that line of too forward. But things got past the stage of awkward and we were able to talk some as we ran and walk the track. Found out she really didn’t have plans to have a close guy friend for quite awhile, which was great because I didn’t want anything solid at the moment either. I needed to finally get some school done and stop playing around so much. Things would be cool or so I thought.

 Weeks passed and where it went from there well it was some what of a blur. How much time I have no idea but awhile. We went to see her brother one evening. Thinking something out of the next crazy lesson of life I slipped a note in her book. Yeppers, ya got it shocked her and I wasn’t sure if I had set a rocket in launch mode. I have to thank her roommate for honesty and telling her to see where it goes from here. She was ready to jump ship and swim for shore. For a few days I wasn’t sure if she was going to talk to me again. A few days later I see her and she still has that stunned look, and doesn’t say much. Things pass and I’m out with her and all seems to be going great, and we talk. So I walk her to the door and Yeppers ya guessed it a simple maybe kiss or so I thought. Game changer big time!! I thought yep it was a awesome kiss and I like her lots. She tells me years later she floated in and was in total shock. Her good roommate couldn’t get a lot of words out of her that night. So much for turning around at this point now and not having a close relationship.

There is a lot more to the story but fast forward a few months. That wimpy cowardly guy pops back up and can think if he is ready for more commitment. As much as I tried to talk myself out of things, the more I knew I had to follow my heart. An extended weekend was coming up and the plan was to take off with some family and friends on a trip to Lake Havasu to do some water skiing. She was planning to go and I figured it was a great time to jump in with both feet. Plans changed and we when snow skiing instead but all worked out. Asked her the big question on the deck of the ski lodge and she almost jumped on me. That weekend back at my parent’s house we were running out side and I made a feudal attempt at put her in the snow and found myself in the snow pile. Most guys would have changed their mind with that, nope I was already hooked. You might say she had me hook, line, sinker, and the boat at this point. June 18, 1988 was the day and the next big chapter of the grand adventures was on.

So here it is twenty five years later and we have been through a lot of changes, challenges, adventures, bonding moments, and life altering things that bring us closer. I have learned a lot in twenty five years too and I will list a few, well maybe ten. One- Respect each other, it’s more than a simple friendship. Two- Guard your heart, save it only for your spouse. Three- God, spouse, kids, other family and friends in that order. Four- Forgive and forget then forgive some more. Five- Over-communicate and never assume, kindly ask to know. Six- Regular date nights and get a ways. Seven- Never, ever say the “D” word! Eight- learn your spouse’s love language. Nine- never talk negatively about your spouse. Ten- Choose to love, even when the path of life gets crazy.

I have to barrow a term for a good brother in law, to describe how I feel about being married to my wife. I “Married Up” to say the least. I would say she could have had a Cadillac rather than a pinto but I consider myself blessed all the same. She has come to except me as a person working on the character flaws that I have and loves me just the same. She does some amazing things besides being an awesome wife and mother. I really hate to brag, well may be not, I have an AWESOME HOT WIFE!

The cold box bandit

The Cold Box Bandit.

The fridge had a bandit of sorts and required some extra measures to keep the contents safe. For most kids around three or four opening the fridge would be a feat of grander but not for this bandit. We would enter the kitchen to find him food in hand snaking away with fridge door wide and many of the contents haphazardly arranged about the floor. We lost many a gallon of milk to the mop and drain and looked for a viable solution to the problem. After much thinking it came to us that we could secure the fort from the bandit with a super long bungee cord attached strategically to the handle. This worked! Although it did make it somewhat tricky to get in to the fridge the bandit was now only to obtain a snack when requested. It made for some interesting looks from others when they would visit and find the bungee on the fridge. A few times people asked if the fridge was broken or something. No, we told them we have a fridge bandit. This fridge bandit enjoyed some of the oddest food combinations. Cold baked potato wrapped with a slice of bologna, cold chili con carne, hot dogs out of the package, cubes of butter, and so on. On the plus side there were lots of left-over’s that got taken care of. His odd eating has stayed with him to this day.

History has a way of repeating itself. Thinking that we had passed the bandit issue when we moved to a new place a few years later, BOOM! We had two of them now. This second one was eating as much as the first and as many of odd creations to say the least. The left-over’s disappeared quickly but soon we found much more appeared to become even more scares and spares. Over night the bungee cord was installed again. Seems to be a lesson here that no matter the age of the fridge a good bungee may very well be required to secure the fort from the bandits that shop for snacks. Although a few years have passed and the bungee is gone but the bandits have continued to shop the cold box for eats. Funny to think back now how a bungee cord could save the day. A life lesson to be learned here could be that sometimes it is the simple fixes that keep a safe and happy each day. So that brings up the question of how secure is your fort from the bandits of life?