Trusting her fully and more...

 

This morning my awesome wife and I were cuddling up and talking about our relationship over the years we have been together and how we have grown from hopefully being able to trust each other fully to full trust in each other. 

 

Having full transparency in our relationship has taken years with many bumps in the road. Mind you a dozen moves, six kids, learning to speak up instead of bottle up, financial setbacks, and health issues have a way of wringing out your lives. Those bumps can make or break a relationship. In our case we have made it work. 

 

Before we married, we both had a lot of trust issues. We were both afraid of past relationships that were hard for us. I voiced that I didn’t know if I could trust her fully. Unless you face your past fears and feelings, the future has limits. We are what we fix and the walls we break down to build a castle together. The trust we build together strengthens our bond and opens us up to great emotional, physical, and spiritual intimacy with each other. Cuddling and talking is a great start for a day and another huge building block. 

 

She asked me on a scale of 1 to 100 how much trust I have in her now. My answer, 110%! Yes, that is the walls and bumps out and the castle together. Our castle together isn’t a house built of wood and bricks but of honesty, faith in God, family, and yes, trust in each other. Putting a monetary value on that kind of togetherness can’t happen because it is priceless. 

 

Many years before I met her, I heard a former religious class teacher tell of the greatest gift you can give to your spouse is your heart. Not literally but emotionally, and spiritually. Guarding that with our all. Yet physically guarding what we say, do, and think at times. “Hearts for God and eyes only for each other”. There are things that can break that trust if we allow them in. Be careful what you say or post on the internet and what you text to others. Don’t let that break trust and bonds. ”Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” -Genesis 2:24 So becoming one is that trust.

 

The world is filled with lots of plan B’s and C’s. Hopefully you can make it with a plan A. Just know if you find yourself in a second round. Make that second round a plan A. Be someone that can build that trust. When you build it, strengthen it daily. Be someone a spouse can trust in. Build a friendship. Build trust. Know that God loves us and building trust with God helps build trust with others and that includes very much your spouse. Be real, be one, be happy, be fun, and be yourself.

It is what it is! Yep, life skills!

 

It is what it is! Yep, life skills!

 

Teaching your kids that cooking, cleaning, and picking up after themselves is not women's work but life skills that are necessary in functional relationships and families. So, let's fill in the blank from a previous post about a man cooking and washing dishes with a great comment. 

 

“Someone who recognizes that these things aren't 'women's jobs' and contributes to his household like a decent human being.” -Mandy Winter

 

Thoughts from the Crazy Soul:

 

As humans we give each other a bad rap in various ways in this life. Mind you if we stepped back and pulled ourselves out of the picture frame, we view things differently than we would otherwise. The roles of people in a household and family. 

 

Think about the attitude of men and women about what we do and do not do. Yep, we generalize so many things that we get blinded by the negative things in life and the good things we do have get pushed to the curb. I say that knowing somewhere out there someone will inevitably disagree and that is okay knowing we all don’t have the same life skills and experience. 

 

If you are in a life situation that you really don’t like, finding positive ways to change your life would certainly be better. Honestly you can’t have a better life without breaking the cycle you’re in. Now let me explain this. Your spouse doesn’t pick up after themselves and so you pick up after them. That is adding to the cycle of laziness in the world. Now this is a four-lane freeway and it goes both ways. Meaning both men and women can be held in the laziness lane. Mind you I get it but adding to it and then complaining about the cycle is like jumping off a cliff into a raging river then blaming the cliff for not stopping you from taking the plunge. You can’t make people change but you can influence them in ways that are positive. 

 

If you can work a smart phone, then you can also use the washer, dryer, and everything else in the house. If you can read a book about fixing 396 engines, you can certainly follow a recipe. 

 

I know a feller that can hunt and fish like nobody’s business. He can fix a truck and fix equipment in the oil field. He can also bake the best blonde brownies ever from scratch. On the other hand, if you can drive a car a tractor or lawn mower isn’t out of your doing either. 

 

Don’t jyp the next generation with being self-reliant and able to benefit others. Best thing you can give your kids is an education of life and skills, school and books are nice but still very much short. Enabling is a sure shot for failure. For kids to succeed in life they need to be resilient and adaptable so they can swim and tread water when the floods happen in their lives and it will happen. 

 

Keep this in mind. I have kids and grandkids. Doesn’t make me perfect but I certainly have learned a lot of things about life. At a young age my kids and now grandkids are learning and doing things for themselves and as part of my family puts it doing their “Family Contributions”. Yes, I can and practice being a good team player when it comes to skills in the laundry room, and kitchen. I can also fix that 396. In the words of Red Green “if the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.” I may not be the most handsome feller but I’m handy. Yes, I do have a few recipes with my name on them and some with use of a Dutch oven or three.

Thirty four years and counting

 

Thirty four years ago this dark hair, dark eyed beauty said “I do”. Not every day has been perfect but it has been a perfectly wild adventure. 

Now being surrounded by 21+ people that give us the happy hope for many others. Some short and some tall, with some large and some small.

 

Over the years we have wheeled and roped our way together. Yep, call us odd by many world standards because we still beat the odds in our relationship. Mind you in the past ten years the percentage of marriages and divorces have both dropped considerably. 

Some things of worth that have helped us along the way; holding hands, hugging often, kissing before we depart from each other and when we meet each other again, expressing appreciation for intentional gestures, and yes, pda’s even when around others. Date night is a thing, yes, even married people should and need to date their spouse. 

Love was meant to be an adventure. It has been for us. Here’s to thirty four and more to come. Loved her then and love her even more now.

Capers, Shenanigan's, and maybe a Ford 8N

 

Capers, shenanigans, and maybe a Ford 8N

 

It started in September a few decades ago. I was born, and a week later one of a few partners in crime, capers, and shenanigans was born too. He was my cousin of sorts. First cousin once removed. Being that close in age ya can maybe imagine the things boys might find fun to do. You could say there were a few grown-ups we drove crazy at times. Even an older couple of girl cousins were known to get after us at times.

 

Hiding from my auntie was a big starter. Various places that were always great were the grape vines, the roof of the house, and the food storage room. She didn’t beat some butt’s but she scolded like crazy. Later on, we disappeared to the back Hollar a lot. Always some cool places to hide and hang out.

 

I remember a summer full of adventure. Some people ask ya how ya learned to drive on a road with a mess that you had to make evasive maneuvers. Well, kind of did a bit of cow chasin’ with an older Ford 8N tractor. Anyone out there that has ever been on one knows the joy. Ya get two or so young’uns on a tractor and you’re holding tight to that metal seat hoping to stay on. Mind ya back in that day, back roads were backroads and stop lights were a rarity. Ya know boys get hungry for fries, onion rings, burgers, and the likes of it. That Purple Turtle has some good eats and well there could have been an undocumented visit with said young’uns there. Mind you walking there didn’t happen if you catch the idea. Considering it to be before the internet and traffic cams could have been good for saving a few back sides getting lit up. Now some may well have not known about said capers but you know there may be few if any photos and video of back then, so you will have to make your best guess if there be any truth or embellishments out there. Country boys and girls, tractors, trucks, and fun times.

 

Ropes, webbing, and carabiners have always been a kid’s best toy. When ya have rope and stuff you look for a place to hang off a rock and the bigger the better. Rappelling is an adventure that puts one in places of rounded large stones. Some rocks are a bit farther up a hill that others. Some have a lot of thick bushes between them and the road. After climbing up the hill it seemed logical for a path down to be cleared a bit. So, think as we did, rocks, hill, gravity, bushes, and trail. You see the walk down was a bit less difficult. The road had a few slaloms markers left as some didn’t roll a crossed the road as planned. No blood, no foul, and no one died.

 

That hallor was a fun spot as well. Tons of trees and bushes with a stream. Made a great place for a swing and swimming hole. Can’t say we always remembered a pair of trunks but well it was hot and the water was fantastic so ya do what ya do. Many a hot dog and marshmallow roasted in the fire pit there. Slept out there many a night visiting my cousin. Hide and seek, steal the flag, and kick the can too.

 

Many more capers came along over the years. May you find some more capers, shenanigans, and adventures in the next life before I get there Randy so we can worry a few people there also. Heaven can’t be fun without a few capers and shenanigans to spice things up.

 

Home!

 

Home, what is it? Home is one of those places that is a place but also a feeling. Let me ramble a bit with this. Home is often the place we hang our hat and coat inside the door. Yet, we call some places home on a temporary thing as we travel or move about. I add that home can be more than one physical place at the same time. Yes, it is a feeling that we belong too.

 

I have lived many places over the years. Some I called home and others were a mere stop and reload. Thirty-ish years in southern Utah at various locations. Some of those years far enough back that I didn’t remember much, except maybe a rock covered house and a cool irrigation ditch. Other places that I have lived there lasting memories. You just can’t remove the small town in someone. I have packed and moved a bunch and ya know home then becomes a new thing. Packed up and moved four times in one year a few years back and ya get the “New Home” feeling a bit scrambled.

 

Home can be that place you raise a six pack of kids in a couple of decades. More than just the house you live in but the street you’re on and the people living around ya. Those memories of home as a place and a feeling there fill a large basket. I have been told since then “We sure miss you” and “your home isn’t the same without you in it”. The people there are hard to forget but the new people you meet are great also. We (my family) consider it home in that area for the memories and that a few of my kids have stayed there for a season. Some of those memories are of a nice place called “Benson Creek”.

 

Many of those places along the path of life that you just stop and reload span the country for the west coast to the gulf coast and in between. Some felt like home because of the people I met there.

 

Yes, I will tell ya that home is where your Mama is! I tell ya even though my mama would now and again send me to the willow patch to cut my own switch she does have a feel of home being around her. Maybe not just your mama but grandma, aunties, cousins, and past friends. Maybe that is where ya attended some schooling in life or for some you got schooled a bit. Maybe that could well include your first date, first kiss, or even your first “gonna die of love break up”. Days spent hiking, fishing, hunting, camping, rappelling, and jumping bicycles built from the junk-yard off a six-foot ramp. Horse swings in the park and a slide that got so hot ya scorched it sliding down it. Even a few nights skating in the “Pod”. Not to be left out an Independence Day celebrations like no other.

 

Home will often change with time, place, size and feel. Home could be a house of four thousand square feet with closets so deep ya get lost to a comfy little house just over a thousand square feet you can clean in a day after the grandkids visit. Love those little hands and feet. Home is where my heart is and it is truly with my awesome wife and family, no matter the location we may be at, at the time. Truly, if you have food to eat, a roof over your head, and people that love you then you are blessed and at home.

A True Eye Opener!

 

A TRUE EYE OPENER!!

A friend came to my house for pie, we sat down and talked about life. After a while I interrupted the conversation and said to him, ′′I'm going to wash the dishes, I'll be right back.”

He looked at me like I told him he was going to build a spaceship. So, he said to me with admiration and a little stumped, ′′Glad you help your wife, I rarely help mine because when I do, she never thanks me. Last week I washed the floor and she didn't even tell me thank you.”

I sat back down with him again and explained to him that I don't ′′help′′ my wife. Actually, my wife doesn't need help, she needs a partner, a teammate. I'm her home partner… and due to that, all functions are divided, which is not “help” with household chores.

I don't “help” my wife clean the house, because I also live in it and I need to clean it too.

I don't “help” my wife cook, because I also want to eat and I need to cook too.

I don't “help” her washing dishes after eating, because I use these dishes too.

I don't “help” my wife with kids, because they are mine too and it's my duty to be a father.

I don't “help” my wife wash, extend, fold, and put away laundry, because it's mine and my kids too.

I don't give a “helping hand” at home, I'm part of it.

Then with respect I asked my friend when was the last time after his wife finished cleaning the house, doing laundry, changing the bed sheets, bathing the kids, cooking, organizing, etc. and did he say: “thank you?”

I mean a real thank you, like, “Wow, baby!! You're amazing!!"

Does this all seem absurd? Does it sound weird to you? When, once in your life, you cleaned the floor, you expected at least an excellence award with great glory... why? Haven't you ever thought about that?

Maybe, because for you, macho culture taught you that everything is a woman's task.

Maybe you've been taught that all this should be done without you having to move a finger.

So, praise her as you would like to be praised, likewise, with the same intensity. Hold her hand and behave like a true companion, and assume your part, don't behave like a guest who simply comes to eat, sleep, shower and satisfy sexual needs... feel at home, in your home.

Change in our society begins in our homes, teaching our children the true sense of fellowship! Make it happen at home…